Man. This week has been a Zinger! :P I started watching a new series called 'Touch.' It's amazing! :) Like honestly! It is about this 11 year old boy and his father. The boy, Jake is mute and he doesn't talk, but only because he chooses not to. I mean, he has NEVER said a word in his whole life! INSANE!!!! It is the first time I have really felt the emotions of a show! I literally feel so great after watching each episode! Folks, there are wholesome shows out there! :) It is so great and showing how people are connected to each other! I have seriously never felt so much emotion in so long then I have in these last few weeks! Senior year, I decided, I was too emotional, crying about every day about the littlest things but I felt every little thing with every part of me! But, I was sick of people seeing me as an excessive emotional person. So, for about 6 to 7 months, I didn't cry at all. I know, it's pretty insane. But I did it. Why? What did it teach me? It taught me patience, it taught me understanding of things, it taught me that I can be a leader, an example, a great over-all person. How, you ask? I learned through persistence and learning to control my emotions, taught me more than I can even express. But something that I must admit, I still haven't recovered. I feel like I can't cry, I can't feel, I can express with full intent like I did. I know its somewhere in there, I know I can be a wholesome person and not be over the top, I just need to find it! I feel like I can't really be emotionally attached to anything, anyone. How can I find the balance I need? I decided that I am going to start a new life! I am going to start with a new slate, get these feelings off my chest! :) I have decided that I need to be better, I need to be more positive! I need to feel peace in my life, the last few weeks I felt peace in the beginning but for the last month, I started feeling this feeling like something in my life needed fixing! It kinda sucked the timing of re-evaluating, but it was necessary and I realize that now! I am so grateful for the Gospel because I know I wouldn't be the person I am, stand for the things I stand for, know the people I know, see my life and have hope for better things when things go wrong. I just can't imagine where I would be! :) I am really excited to see where my life will lead. It starts on Sunday! I just need to get to 2:30 on Sunday and I am hoping and praying my life will take a dramatic turn for the better! I really do! I want to stop being scared, I want to stop being sad, and lonely, I want to feel peace and love and hope that I am really here for a reason, that I have a purpose, that I will get rewarded for the things I do.
I have been trying so hard for the past few days to really look for people that need lifting, that need service, that need a friend. I have been feeling sooooo much better about myself, about my sense of life and purpose. I mean, today, I walked past an elderly lady while on my jog and I asked her if she needed help carrying her groceries, she stopped smiled, gave me a hug and said, you will do great things and kept walking. Oh my word! I just fathom at the people around me that can just perceive people, it wasn't until I came up here that I realized what person I really hope to be! I couldn't become the person I am, or want to become, without the life choices I have made to this very point. Why, you ask, am I sitting here every day trying to become better, feeling unnoticed and feeling insignificant? To tell you the truth, I don't know. I am searching, I am praying for the answer to that question every day! I want something marvelous, I want to feel assurance that I am bigger than a speck of dirt! And to tell you what my friends, I got a glimpse. Just a glimpse, of what it is like to have someone be your world, to be the best thing, to be an answer to your prayers. With a glimpse, I can look forward to the future and know something great awaits me, and I need to be ready when it comes. So, I am physically, mentally preparing myself. I am getting back on the path of spirituality that I need to be on. I am reconnecting with the emotions inside of me so that I can really show the people around me how much I deeply care. How can life be so difficult when it seems so easy? Well, of you ever get the answer to that question, write a book and tell the world :) You are all so great! I wish I could list the people that have changed my life, made it worth living, made me better, made me feel, made me smile, helped me along my journey! You are all my angels in disguise! You might have been in my life for a split second, for a few weeks, a few months, years, eternity...... You are all great and have made an impact! :) I could live another lifetime to meet you ALL again. I would too! :) How can I ever thank you all?? Oh, I know!! I'll become famous and have a long speech of people that I can thank.... NAAHHH! :) I think if I just keep trying to progress, stay happy, and search for opportunities to serve, I will see you all on the other side and I hope you will be there to greet me! :) You are all amazing human beings! Like honestly and truly! :) Stay true to yourself, and true to your friends, and true to your God! :) Remember who you are, which is beautiful Daughters and handsome Sons of our dear Heavenly Father! He wants you to succeed, He wants your happiness. Never sell yourself short and think you deserve less than the best! :) I know its hard, I know its trying, I KNOW its gonna be rough. But, have faith, oh ye little children, HAVE FAITH! Trust that God will get you through! Sometimes, thats the only hope in the world and it sucks to think that you have to go through the stuff you do, but it all has a divine purpose, it all has a significant impact on the outcome of your life. You can make it through with the Lord on your side! And, what more can you ask for than for the Man that already helped us win one battle! :) Stay strong and BELIEVE! Have patience that things will work out! Have the hope that the sun will rise, and life will go on! You never know when someone is in need of your strength, your testimony, your smile, your friendship.... you just haffta be ready my friends :) And the Lord can help you there! :) Keep it real and be who you are, become what you want to be! :) Decide for yourself today, who that is, who is that person you are looking in the mirror at! You can do, achieve, be who you want to be and don't let anyone tell you different! :) I love serving my mission of life and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me! I love you guys sooooo much and I hope you all feel His love, His peace, His tender mercies in your life and you can seek to reach out to EVERYONE around you! :) The Church is true, and I love you! :)
Tauni Ackerman :D
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