A Second Chance at Success or Maybe Third :)

Have you ever felt like you have gotten a second chance?? At anything??  I feel like I have gotten the chance of a lifetime to stay up here in da Berg! :)  I freaking love it up here!  I also have missed home the most I have ever have in my life.  I think this semester has been a really great one for me.  I seriously have learned so very much from myself and the people around me... :D  It makes me so happy that I could experience last semester to really appreciate this semester as much as I have!   I even had the experience of my first kiss this semester!  :) I will claim it too!  It was a relationship that I learned a lot.  His name was Tyler and he was and is a really great guy.  He didn't really seem to me as a guy that was "that guy" for me, but pretty close...  And, to be honest, I learned a lot from him.  He was a gentleman.  He opened my doors, he walked on the outside of the street for me, which I had never seen that before, he would offer me his jacket, he would cuddle me so I was warm, he would make sure that I was warm and comfortable.  He would call me on the phone and hardly text me.  He was SUCH a great guy and he just liked me for me.  Things between us didn't work out, but I saw it coming.
I have found when I stay close to the spirit, I can really understand things.  The Lord gives me opportunity to perceive His will in all things, and just to discern, to see far enough in the future to know the result of my decisions, and he guides me through those decisions, righteously!  He is always there, has always been there.  Life, I have found, has been so much better since I have discovered these things.  Following promptings and listening to the spirit, is the most amazing thing that you can do.  You see with different eyes an you also can be the person you have always wanted to be.  I have always had this passion for learning, seeking understanding and wisdom.  I have been having such a hard time finding the thing that I want to put my education towards.  I have thought of Art, Music, History, English, Political Science, Family Studies, Psychology, Sociology.  There are so many things that interest me, and honestly, I feel like I could do well at any of them. I guess all I can really do, is continue to learn about myself and find those things that are TRULY important to me and find opportunities to serve and love the people around me and in my community!
I have met sooooooo many people that I can see myself being friends with forever.  My roommates this semester have been AMAZING!  First off, my roommate, roommate, Megan Sherwood.  I just love her!  She has surely made a big difference in my life!  Last semester, when I was extremely lonely and would just run to get my mind off of everything, she started coming with me and it meant the world to me, even though she didn't even really know it.  We would talk about things and I could just sit and talk to her and she would listen and give input.  That is one thing I need in a relationship, a conversational person.  I don't like always talking.  I love listening and pondering on how I can help, then I take what they say and learn from it myself.  I have decided that is why my relationships don't last long.  Even though it is always the boys that initiate the friend zone, I know that it will be hard, but, in all honesty, I know its the Lord's will for me.  I am okay with it.  Sure, its difficult because to going from someone holding you, kissing you, holding your hand, hanging on your every last word, to..... nothing.  But honestly, something I had to realize, is the Lord is there.  Our Savior is there.  They know where we fit in their grand design.  We voluntarily came to this earth, knowingly of what we were going to go through and who we were going to be with.  And if we play our cards right, we can be close to our Father in Heaven and He can help us know what direction we need to go to find those people!  We just have to be willing to listen.
My other roommates I just love to pieces! :)  There is Haley O'brien, she was here last semester and roomed with Mckenzie!  She is really great and we have became really great friends! :)  Seriously.  These last few days when I feel lonely or sad, she knows just how to cheer me up and get me back in my happy and upbeat mood.  Her and Tessa.  Tessa Wade, I swear, is a sister sent from above!  I don't know why I haven't known her for all of my life.  Perhaps I wasn't ready for her.  She is AMAZING!  I seriously could see me and her growing old together as neighbors until our death beds.  She just gets me.  And we love pretty much the same things and she just speaks Tauni language, which is hard to do.  I just love her.  I want to be JUST like her when I grow up :) We have shared so much already.... and honestly, she is one reason I am scared to go on a mission.  Scared we will loose this great friendship and she will forget about me :(  That is one of my greatest fears of going on a mission.  That all these people will just forget about me for a couple years and then be back to a casual friendships when I get back.  I dunno.  I'm weird, perhaps.  And then there is my Megans.  First, Megan Stout.  WOW!  Me and her were destined to be friends :)  SHe is sooooo great and I can't even describe!  She is this super fun and outgoing girl that is another eternal friend I hope to keep! :)  And Megan Clifford! hehe! She is one of thee girliest girls I have ever met, but I just LOVE her! :)  She is this sweet spirited and nurturing girl! :) I just want to be friends with her forever :) She makes me happy :) But, I don't think she thinks as much as herself as we all see her, but that is one of my missions, to help EVERY SINGLE GIRL in these two apartments feel better about themselves.  Of course, there is only so much I can do, but honestly I think that people don't show appreciation and praise to women as much as they should.  I hope to remind people of who they truly are and that they are beautiful and handsome people. :)
Then there is Kayla, Rachel, and Lindsey.  The girls of my past! :)  Hehehe! I just love them!  They make my world so much better! They are amazing young ladies that I admire sooooo much! :)
I just feel like I have gotten the best of bestest chances to really find myself. :)  I just love it so much!  :) I can't wait to get out there and serve.  I am almost done with my mission papers and I am SO STOAKED! :)  That and I have started religiously writing a few missionaries that are just super great! :)  I just love to learn and being able to serve! :)
I hope you all have a great night!  remember who you are and that you are loved! :) :)
<3 Tauni Ackerman

Well. Ain't life a bliss!?

Well, sorry everyone.  I never did blog really about my trip.... :P  It was really great though!  Really life changing! Well, this semester, I was ready for change, ready for new people, ready for life to begin again as this new, care-free Tauni... Then all these things happen! How is it that no one else has a hard day when they want to cry and curl up in bed and not talk to anyone??  I just need that best friend.  The one that could make me feel better, no matter the circumstance, no matter who's looking, no matter what I want, or how hard I push them away, they would just pull me closer until I knew they were there to stay.  I know.  It isn't exactly the peachy and good stuff I post on here, but I don't know how I am supposed to still smile and love my life when nothing seems like the end of the world.  When will I know when my friends are really there?  How do I know that they aren't just friends with me because they like the people I live with, because they need some distraction until another person comes along?  I can't.  I know, I need to be living as if my life is intended to be enjoyed and not give a hoot in the world.  I need to be showing people how great it is to be me!  That sounds cocky, but for realsies, my life is so blessed, and maybe that is something I need to realize.  That I don't need these "fake" friends, that I don't need a man, that I just need to be searching for what good I can do, what service I can perform for those around me! I just want a friend.  THEE friend that I can spend the rest of forever with, with a shoulder to cry on, the one that will make me laugh when I want to cry, the one that will hold my hand when I want to be alone.  Now, I am not talking about my eternal companion, I want that in my life, eventually, but right now, I need to figure out myself and figure out what exactly it is that truly makes me happy!
How can I be better?
I have been going to the gym every morning at 6 am with my roommate Megan Sherwood and it truly makes me feel amazing and great! I just need to keep working on myself physically so that I can be the best person I can be.  I miss my grandparents and I miss my missionaries.  The truth is, I never was as great of friends with Hans and Tanner as I put off.  I wish I was.  I have changed so much in the last year, but at the same time, I feel exactly the same.  How can a person feel so different but feel exactly the same at the same time!?  I have decided that I really want to go on a mission and that I just want to serve everyone around me! I am so ready to just get out and serve!  That and missing these boys that are on their missions is so hard for me! I can't even think anymore of what I want or what I am just wanting to have.  I thought this semester, I was supposed to stay up here for some unknown reason.  I feel like I keep finding reasons, then they fall through and don't work out.  How is it possible to feel so okay with everything and it not working out?  It doesn't make sense to me.  I feel like I am a pretty cool and chill chick.  Yeah, I have my problems, but who doesn't.  I mean, my life is really great!  I have gained so many new friends this semester and I know that I am supposed to be here, even for my friends that I have already had.  Then I think of the people I associated with last semester, and I think of how unhappy I was.  Yeah, I mean, I had legitimate reason to be sad and to be upset about things, it tends to happen when your heart breaks and then you are left to try to figure out what you could have done differently.  I always wonder with "What if's" but when it comes down to it, they are so pointless and don't do anything.  How can I be so screwed up?!  I know that most girls do those sort of things, ya know, think tons, blame themselves, and try to fix it, but I don't want to be one of those girls.  I want to be Tauni!  I want to be the girl that people are like, "Dang! She's really cool!  I have never met someone like her before!"  and leave that impression of a great spirit and kindness that I wish I would feel from my friends.  It's hard to think that I can't help everyone and I can't be liked by everyone, and that I can't change everyone... I can only help me, change me, like me!  What else can I do?!  I have to like myself first, I have to help myself through these hurtles of mine, I need to change what I don't like and LIKE MYSELF!  I have a pretty good self-esteem but I tend to waiver a bit when I think of all the rejections I have gotten, all of the friends I have lost, the lack of ANY kind of GOOD relationships worth mentioning with boys.  I am honestly just sick of it all and I want change, I want new and fresh!  I thought this semester was too good to be true with so great roommates and neighbors and being asked on so many dates and gaining so many new friends.  It is....  a blessing that I am still here.  I am still trying to figure out why in the crap I am still here and I wish I knew so I could look forward to something.  Sometimes things are hard but we just have to know that something GREAT is around the corner!  Well, this is the LONGEST corner of my life, but I will be patient and keep on waiting! I don't know what else I can do!
What I plan to do?
I feel impressed to just love everyone no matter what and just show them that they matter, that they is important :)  I can't wait any more to serve a mission for the Lord, but for now, I will serve in the ways we are commanded to serve, which is to love one another and Jesus loves us! :)  I am going to give strangers a smile no matter how happy or sad I may be!  I am going to beat this and I am going to enjoy life!  I just need to change this frown upsidedown, wipe these tears away, and LIVE to the FULLEST! And just show that I care to everyone! :)

Well everyone!  It is my bedtime and I wish you all the best of the best on whate'er you are doing!  Love you all!
<3
Tauni Ackerman

Dang! Here am I, so close, yet so far from paradise!!

Man!  Here I am, and my trip is coming up right around the corner!  AWWWWWW!!!  Geez!  I don't think I can wait another day!  I honestly can't even believe this is really happening and its here and I am GOING BACK EAST!!!  Geez!  Okay, so if you all must know, I am going back east for three weeks, with the school, a.k.a, BYU-Idaho, starting August 1st! I get to go on this trip with one of my greatest friends, Mckenzie Leonardson!  Which makes it ALL the better! :)  We are taking classes along with the trip, so we are gaining credits and are required to work and learn even more about the sites we are seeing!  Oh my word, I am sooooooo excited!  Let me tell you all the back story about this.  Last semester, I was in my American Foundation class when we had a guest speaker come in, Brother Pulsipher.  He had come to talk to us about this opportunity to go back east for three weeks and it was a steal deal!  I had to know more!  So, I signed up on a list to know more about it.  $3000 for tour fees, airfare, hotels, two meals a day, then plus tuition for classes and spending money.  That was a crazy insane good price for this trip, but I didn't see a way that I could go.  But, I felt like it was an opportunity of a lifetime and I felt like if I didn't do it now, I wouldn't ever get around to it.  So,  I put down a deposit and called my mom.  We talked about how if I came up with half of the money my mom would pay the other half.  I mean, that was almost $2000 when we added it up!  I had two semesters to come up with the money and I was just waiting and saving!  After a couple of months of trying to find a job and juggle really hard classes, I finally just said, to heck with this!  I just can't handle a job on top of these difficult classes, and I still need money for food and what not.  I then went to my finances to drop my deposit, when.... you'll never guess..... A $3000 SCHOLARSHIP!!  Say WHAAAAA!!!???  I then just sat there.  ASTONISHED!  DUMBFOUNDED!  Any other synonyms for I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!  It was just too perfect, too good to be true!  How in the world does something so miraculous happen to me?!  I cried for a little bit, as I opened the email that stated, "Sorry we got this scholarship out late.  You get $1500 a semester and congratulations!"  If I would have gotten that scholarship at the beginning of the semester.... It would have been gone not fully but it wouldn't have been conveniently there when I needed it!  What a tender mercy!  So, I called my mom and we both cried a little bit and were both just amazed!  I guess I am supposed to go on this trip this summer!  Then I thought about it.... A year from now, who knows where I will be.  I could either be saving up for my mission, or getting married!  WEIRD!!!!  Hahaha! Sometimes its still hard to believe that I am getting to that age!  I just can't even see myself being old enough to do any of these things! Haha!  Well, I am going to try and post every day and keep you all updated on my trip and adventures :)  There is going to be a lot and I can't wait any longer!  :)  Here is a list of places that I am going, just as a heads up, 

- Washington D.C.

- Lexington and Concord

- New York City, Manhattan

- Nauvoo, Independence

- Chicago 

- Philadelphia 

- Adam-ondi-Ahman

I am soooooo excited! :)  I can't wait and I will try to keep you all updated! :)

Signing out enthusiastically,

Tauni Ackerman

Hmmmmm... FINALS!!

If you are thinking I am about to whine about my a not so a million finals........ STOP NOW!  I am not going to do such a thing and bore you with the fun details of how I hardly have any finals and I am done about 6 P.M. tonight!  That is just RUDE! :P  Hahaha! :)  I am in a craaaaaazyyy mood today! Here's a great Joke!

Why do cows wear bells?  :)

  -Because their horns don't work! 

(Either does my truck's!  OH WAIT! It sounds like a train now, if it doesn't click)

Yesterday was a pretty great day! :)  I went to my last class of Marriage Skills, which I think has been one of my favoritest classes this semester!  Too freaking bad it was only 2nd Block :(  Dang!  Hahaha!  But then I ran into my friends Amanda, Jenni, and Jeffery!  :)  It was pretty fun just running into a million people I knew yesterday! I am meeting so many new people and I love it! :)  I am kinda sad that I will be off-track next semester, but I am still living up here at Rexburg, searching FEVERISHLY for a job! :)  
                  I seriously CANNOT wait ANY LONGER for my trip! :)  I am done with being nervous and I just want to go already! :)  It is going to be phenomenal! :)  Yesterday... haha continued, sorry I got sidetracked! :P  that is a funny word! Geez Tauni, STOP IT! :P  haha! Well, if you can't tell, I am a bit crazy today! I have been singing Disney songs all morning like Mulan, Lion King, Hercules, Jungle Book, you name it! Then Blues Clues! :P  I dunno... inner-child coming out today! :)  Haha! Yesterday, there was a Ward party, which was A BLAST! :)  It was at Rexburg Rapids and it was SOOOO GREAT! :)  It was just rented out or our wards enjoyment, and rue in our simple awesomeness :)  No big deal! :)  I have been SOOOO happy I can't seem to get this grin off my face!  I cried a little when I realized that I am almost done with school for the first year and I still don't really know if music is what I need to do right now.  I mean, I would LOVE to be a music major, but something is just off.  I have started to think about transferring schools.  Like, down-right serious!  I had an epiphany of maybe transferring to UVU next Fall.  I would move down, to Utah in the Winter or Spring or so, and gain residency to get a cheaper price to attend there!  I have to figure out if I want to go into History, Music, or .... I don't even know!  This is so hard to decide all these things!! AaaarRrrGggGGGggg (continues to express frustrations in noises that would be ridiculously spelled!)
Anyone, that is wondering, why in the world I am in such a crazy, but great mood!  Well, let me let you in on this little arcanum! :)  Me and Kayla kinda pulled an all-nighter last night!  It is my third one of my whole life!  I have always taken a little cat nap, but I didn't today!  And I feel sooooo CRAAAAZZZZZYY!!! and wee bit disoriented! :P  What ta do, what ta do?  Sleep?????  Well, okay... but not for too long!  I have my last class today at 4:30!  Then, a Math test and I just might be DONE! :)  Oh shoot! Ahhhh! Look at all the jealous people (reference to the Beatles song "Eleanor Rigby" minus the lonely from the phrase and put in jealous...... kinda has a ring to it aye??)  I just had this urge to listen to that song, and I found a Dubstep Remix, SAY WHHAAAA!!!?? :) It was pretty cool to listen to, to be honest! :)  

Knock, knock.

  -Who's there?

Cows say.

  -Cows say who?

No silly, cows say moo!                

:)               

   

FUNNIES                                      :)

 Knock, knock.

  -Who's there?

Owls say.

  -Owls say who?

Yep.

 Knock, knock.

  -Who's there?

Little old lady.

  -Little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel!

Hint: How to be obnoxious when someones phone is ringing! :)

:). Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Yourself.
- Yourself who?
Your cell phone's ringing you better answer it.

Well everyone! I hope you all enjoyed reading, are all having a spectacular day, and keepin' it real! (Which you are all great so I know you are!! DUH!)  :)  Love you all! <3

Tauni Ackerman :)

That's Life! :)

I love my life!  I mean, I could leave it at that, but that would be unfair to all of you! :P  Haha!  :)  I am in such a great mood!  I just love this school, the people on this campus, the Gospel!  I just can't get enough of it! I just love it all!  Today, I walked to school and made a plethora of new friends just walking to class! :)  I had fun! I have been running a lot and I have lost quite a bit of weight and I feel sooooo great! :)  I don't even know how to express it.   I am just sooooo happy!  I just got back inside from playing in the rain with Kayla, Emily, Aaron, Rachael! :)  We even ran into Lane and Megan! :)  Yaahhhh trick yahhhh!! :)  It was raining really hard and I was just smiling and so happy!  I think it is so funny how much happier I am after it rains! :)  I am always sooooo happy afterwards, during, and even when you smell it coming :) I love the rain!  It just makes me feel so refreshed, clean, and man... just happy! :) When you are doing the right things, nothing else tends to matter.  I don't have a boyfriend?  No matter!  I freaking love it!  This little life of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! :)  I don't really have a plan for next semester?  Ain't no thawng!  I know the Lord knows what I am supposed to do, and I am living on faith right now, there isn't really much else I can do! :)  I have been having the best few weeks!  Ever since I went to Utah for my family reunion, I feel more like myself again then I ever have in my life! :)  Like serious! I have been insanely happy and nothing can get me down!  Until yesterday when I got some sickness when I couldn't keep ANYTHING down!  It was terrible!  I put on a good face for the day tho!  Yesterday was a FABULOUS day! :)  Okay, I will start at the beginning of this weekend! :)  This Friday, I went down to Shelley and went to my best friends, Katelyn Ovard's, bridal shower and it was sooooo much fun! :) I just love her and her fiance and her family!  I think I could even claim them as my second family! Or third, since Kayla's is in there too! :P  Haha! :)  But, I went there and looked around her house and her backyard where the reception will be!  OH MY GOSH!  It is freaking GORGEOUS!!!  I am really bummed I can't go to her wedding.... :(  But hey!  It's gonna be okay!  We are going to be such great friends anyways! :)  I hung out with her at her house and I went on a run!  Man, I miss running out in the country!  I never was really into running or anything, but it just reminds me of over that one Spud Harvest when me and Julie went jogging every night around the country block and we would haffta run far enough to run past Luke's house! :)  Man, hahhaha!  That  was so much fun! But, after I got back from my run, it started POURING RAIN!!!  As I was running down a hill to get a banner, I slid down the hill, like my own personal slip and slide :P  haha!  It hurt really bad, but it was tons of fun! :)  Haha! :)  Then, on Saturday, I came back up to Rexburg to donate plasma and stuff and then I had to run up to Island Park on an errand for my momma!  It was pretty fun driving with  my Christian Rock blastin' ;)!  It was great! :)  Then, when we got back we headed to Utah! :)  We got to go see my grandparents before they left!  Which they left today! :)  To West Virginia! They are going to the all famous "We Are Marshall" school! :)  To take over the institute program! YEAH YEAH! :)  I am so blessed to have them in my life! :)  They are soooooo great! :)  We had fun, ate pie and turned around and came home!  I got back to Rexburg around 3:30 AM!  YAYY!  :D  I was super tired!  I then woke up the next morning, and I got up and got all prettied up for the fabulous Sunday and then I started feeling super crumby! But, I still pushed forward! :)  I finally went to Stake Conference, which was phenomenal! :)  Then, me, Kayla, Megan, and Jake (Megan's Boy), headed down to Shelley! :)  We got there with about 30 minutes to spare, so we explored Shelley, which of course only took a few minutes to see the main attractions ;)  It was great!  Then we went to Brooks Browning's Homecoming!  Geewallacurrs!  During that entire meeting, I felt the spirit SOOO strong! First, little miss Archibald gave a talk about sharing your light even though we aren't on missions!  FREAK!  :)  I loved it soooo much!  She was this cute girl and just talked about how we all can't serve missions and share the Gospel on other continents, but we CAN share our lights right here, right where we are! :)  I love that!  It reminds me of the quote I heard in RS about a month ago, "you might not be able to change the world, but you can change SOMEONE'S world."
:)  True Doctrine my friends! :)  Then, Brooks got up to talk!  Wowzzaarrss!  He talked about his mission, but of course, and also talked about something he learned on his mission, FLOW, Faith, Love, Obedience, and Work!  But he mostly talked about Obedience and Work, but substituted Work for Sacrifice!  Wow!  What a great testimony of Sacrifice and Obedience!  I really just loved hearing the missionary stories, as I always do, and also just hearing him bear witness of the work at hand that honestly, we can all participate in and just love the Gospel by sharing it!  :)
Then, one of the high counsel men got up to speak and he talked a lot about missionary work as well, (go figure, right) ;)  But it was a great talk about just loving the Gospel and sharing with the people around us! :) It was a great sacrament meeting that I wouldn't have missed for the world! :)  Afterwards, I went home to be with the fam for a bit then I headed over to Kayla's.  We went to her home teachers tree house, which TOTALLY reminded me of Swiss Family Robinson tree house! :) It was LEGIT! :)  Hahaha! :)  Then I went and slept some sickness off at Kayla's house and then we went to Brownings house with some brownies :P  clever right?? :)  Haha! :)  It was really fun!  We finally got home after riding home with Elise and it was sooooo great! :) I just love my life! :)  It is so great! I am getting ready for my trip and it is going to be life changing! :)  I am SOOOOOOOOOOO excited! :)
Peace out Peeps! :)
Tauni Ackerman

Life is better when the Sun is shining... But you gotta love the Rain! :) I do!

Mmmm. Well, first off I should apologize for not writing for a while!  I've had to divert to my journal for a few weeks because of some really trying things I have gone through and I didn't thing you all really wanted to hear me ramble on and on.  I think that I am happy.  :)  But, how do you get to the point of knowing??  I was really thinking yesterday!  A couple Sunday's ago was Fathers' Day, I called my Papa and my dad!  :)  I really liked talking to my Papa for one.  We talked about how I have really been through a lot as a teenager.  My parents were rough on me, but that is common among the oldest child.  I learned a lot from being the oldest and I felt like I had to grow up pretty fast but its okay!  I wouldn't be the person I am without all the things I went through.  I then talked to my Dad for some time.  We talked about a lot of things and he talked for a while then, I felt impressed to talk to him about his marriage and how it has affected me.  Wow!  That was extremely hard to put all my feelings out on a limb, but I feel like he has progressed since I talked to him.  About a week ago, I had a really long conversation with my mom and there were a lot of tears from both of us.  We are both just struggling with things that it is really hard to talk to anyone about it.  But I feel like she is becoming my best friend more and more every day!  We of course have our rough patches but it is a TON better than what it used to be!  

I have had listened to many songs in the past few days that have just made me kinda teary-eyed.  I have just felt so alone and I just don't know how to conquer it! But, in the last few days I have seen the light!  Reading some books for my trip has really helped me!  I even think I am going to invest in the book called, "Forgiving Myself."  I heard it is really great! and i think it would help me a lot on how to get through all this! 

It's hard to think that I felt so happy one day, then another day I feel lonely and sad.  I have been trying to do the things my bishop has suggested.  Going to the temple, avoiding situations that will allow me to fall into old habits, and only associating with people that make me happy and to help myself feel better.  I feel silly that all of these events this semester is affecting me so much.  I know that everyone said that I am doing fairly well for everything that I am going through, I swear though, its just never ending.  I am continually trying to find things to do to stay active and upbeat but I still feel that wrenching feeling in my heart.  I am slowly becoming a fake happy to everyone else.  How in the world are you supposed to be happy when you feel so much pain, so much rejection, so much stress??  I have always lived my life so that I can laugh and be happy!  I have been trying to make myself feel and look better!  I just barely got back from the temple and it was SOOOO great! :)  It refreshened me.  I read like 6 chapters in the Book of Mormon and it made me feel really great!  Yet, as I walked away, I felt the spirit so strong but I still couldn't shake the feeling.... Why does that happen?  I keep praying to have peace and to know that I am going to be okay and I will get better, but how do I possibly know that?  I have lived 19 years of life and I still just don't know what to do to make me truly happy.

The Fourth of July was super fun and great! :)  I spent most of it in the sunshine reading my book! :)  It was great fun!  I just love the fourth of July! :)  I think the fireworks and just the reason of celebrating is my favoritest part!  The Fireworks are just sooooooo beautiful!  Loud, but Beautiful!!! :)

Then yesterday, it rained!  It was the first real smile I have really had all day!  I just love the rain!  It for some reason makes me feel so happy!  I just love to go out and stand in it and flash my smile to the sky, even twirl around in it a little bit! :)  Man!  I just can't fathom my life without rain.  Does that sound silly???  PPSssshhhaaaawww! I don't care :P  Haha! :)  If I can help it, I just might be a hopeless romantic, but I really REALLY want my first kiss in the rain! :)  I think it is just so cute!  And I honestly have NEVER had something that makes me happier then the rain!  That and the temple, and...... okay.... there are a lot of things.  My Bishop encouraged me to list things that make me happy!  Maybe I'll share some of those with you!

Now don't snicker :)  Just enjoy! :)  (Haha, did that have a kinda cheesey turnaround to Snickers??? ;) Mayyybeee :D )

- Rain (Duh!)

- The Temple

- The Gospel

- Prayer

- The Scriptures

- Sunrises/ Sunsets

- The Stars

- Walks

- Music

- Playing the piano

- Baking

- Hanging out with my friends

- Reading

- Hiking

- Biking

- going on joy rides 

- serving

- Outdoor things (swimming, picnics, exploring, four-wheeling, snowmobiling..Etc.)

- seeing and hanging out with family

- Letters

- cuddling

- just spending time with people I love

- learning about new things

- Sharing what I know, testimony

- Making other people smile :) :)

- Being funny and silly at times

- watching old movies 

- Running

- listening and being a friend

:)  I think that is about enough of that!  Haha!  Man!  I just love, love, LOVE being nice and finding ways to help everyone around me feel happy and enjoy their lives! :)  I just get this sensational thrill from serving and loving people!  :)  Man!  Yesterday, I went for a run in the rain!  I went on listening to my uplifting music with the biggest grin on my face!  I even had a guy say, "Well, aren't you just happy to exercise!"  Hehe, it made me giggle! :)  Yesterday and this last weekend, I felt myself pulling out of the sadness and finally just being happy again! :)  It feels so great, just to smile at life and know that God has a plan for me.  Even if I don't really know what it is yet, I know I am doing my part to be able to know when it comes along!  I feel myself becoming stronger, happier, braver, healthier, more loving and caring, more positive and optimistic! I just can't even imagine myself in a year from now, if I keep going at this rate! :)  I just might need to eat some ice cream now and then to keep me from being twinkled ;)  haha!  Just kidding!  But, really, I feel like I am improving so much, and my testimony is growing SOOO much!  I just have this sense of meaning and purpose that I have never felt before and I love it! :)  I hope that I can change people's life for the better one person at a time! :)  

I am going to continue to prepare for whatever the Lord has prepared for me! :) I have just realized that I just need to take a breather and take time for the important things.

Take time to work, with love, it is the assurance of success, take time for joyous play, it is the secret to renewing youth, take time to think creatively, it is the foundation of wisdom.

Take time to love your fellow men, it is the gateway to heaven, take time each day for silence, It is the storehouse of God, take time to worship God, it is the highway to peace! :)   Wish me luck!  Kayla and I have talks to give on Sunday!  AWWWWWWWWWWMMAAANNNNNN! :P  haha!!!  I dunno about Kayla, but I NEED it! ;)  haha! :)  Yaya! :)  Well, Peace out!

Tauni Ackerman

A Little Problem Sees Tender Mercies :)

Man.  This week has been a Zinger! :P  I started watching a new series called 'Touch.'  It's amazing! :)  Like honestly!  It is about this 11 year old boy and his father.  The boy, Jake is mute and he doesn't talk, but only because he chooses not to.  I mean, he has NEVER said a word in his whole life!  INSANE!!!!  It is the first time I have really felt the emotions of a show!  I literally feel so great after watching each episode!  Folks, there are wholesome shows out there! :)  It is so great and showing how people are connected to each other! I have seriously never felt so much emotion in so long then I have in these last few weeks!  Senior year, I decided, I was too emotional, crying about every day about the littlest things but I felt every little thing with every part of me!  But, I was sick of people seeing me as an excessive emotional person.  So, for about 6 to 7 months, I didn't cry at all.  I know, it's pretty insane.  But I did it.  Why?  What did it teach me?  It taught me patience, it taught me understanding of things, it taught me that I can be a leader, an example, a great over-all person.  How, you ask? I learned through persistence and learning to control my emotions, taught me more than I can even express.  But something that I must admit, I still haven't recovered.  I feel like I can't cry, I can't feel, I can express with full intent like I did.  I know its somewhere in there, I know I can be a wholesome person and not be over the top, I just need to find it!  I feel like I can't really be emotionally attached to anything, anyone.  How can I find the balance I need?  I decided that I am going to start a new life!  I am going to start with a new slate, get these feelings off my chest!  :)  I have decided that I need to be better, I need to be more positive!  I need to feel peace in my life, the last few weeks I felt peace in the beginning but for the last month, I started feeling this feeling like something in my life needed fixing!  It kinda sucked the timing of re-evaluating, but it was necessary and I realize that now!  I am so grateful for the Gospel because I know I wouldn't be the person I am, stand for the things I stand for, know the people I know, see my life and have hope for better things when things go wrong.  I just can't imagine where I would be! :)  I am really excited to see where my life will lead.  It starts on Sunday!  I just need to get to 2:30 on Sunday and I am hoping and praying my life will take a dramatic turn for the better!  I really do!  I want to stop being scared, I want to stop being sad, and lonely, I want to feel peace and love and hope that I am really here for a reason, that I have a purpose, that I will get rewarded for the things I do.
I have been trying so hard for the past few days to really look for people that need lifting, that need service, that need a friend.  I have been feeling sooooo much better about myself, about my sense of life and purpose.  I mean, today, I walked past an elderly lady while on my jog and I asked her if she needed help carrying her groceries, she stopped smiled, gave me a hug and said, you will do great things and kept walking.  Oh my word! I just fathom at the people around me that can just perceive people, it wasn't until I came up here that I realized what person I really hope to be!  I couldn't become the person I am, or want to become, without the life choices I have made to this very point.  Why, you ask, am I sitting here every day trying to become better, feeling unnoticed and feeling insignificant?  To tell you the truth, I don't know.  I am searching, I am praying for the answer to that question every day!  I want something marvelous, I want to feel assurance that I am bigger than a speck of dirt!  And to tell you what my friends, I got a glimpse.  Just a glimpse, of what it is like to have someone be your world, to be the best thing, to be an answer to your prayers.  With a glimpse, I can look forward to the future and know something great awaits me, and I need to be ready when it comes.  So, I am physically, mentally preparing myself.  I am getting back on the path of spirituality that I need to be on.  I am reconnecting with the emotions inside of me so that I can really show the people around me how much I deeply care.  How can life be so difficult when it seems so easy?  Well, of you ever get the answer to that question, write a book and tell the world :)  You are all so great!  I wish I could list the people that have changed my life, made it worth living, made me better, made me feel, made me smile, helped me along my journey!  You are all my angels in disguise!  You might have been in my life for a split second, for a few weeks, a few months, years, eternity......  You are all great and have made an impact! :)  I could live another lifetime to meet you ALL again.  I would too! :)  How can I ever thank you all??  Oh, I know!!  I'll become famous and have a long speech of people that I can thank.... NAAHHH! :)  I think if I just keep trying to progress, stay happy, and search for opportunities to serve, I will see you all on the other side and I hope you will be there to greet me! :)  You are all amazing human beings!  Like honestly and truly! :)  Stay true to yourself, and true to your friends, and true to your God! :)  Remember who you are, which is beautiful Daughters and handsome Sons of our dear Heavenly Father!  He wants you to succeed, He wants your happiness.  Never sell yourself short and think you deserve less than the best! :)  I know its hard, I know its trying, I KNOW its gonna be rough.  But, have faith, oh ye little children, HAVE FAITH!   Trust that God will get you through!  Sometimes, thats the only hope in the world and it sucks to think that you have to go through the stuff you do, but it all has a divine purpose, it all has a significant impact on the outcome of your life.  You can make it through with the Lord on your side!  And, what more can you ask for than for the Man that already helped us win one battle! :)  Stay strong and BELIEVE!  Have patience that things will work out!  Have the hope that the sun will rise, and life will go on!  You never know when someone is in need of your strength, your testimony, your smile, your friendship.... you just haffta be ready my friends :)  And the Lord can help you there! :)  Keep it real and be who you are, become what you want to be! :)  Decide for yourself today, who that is, who is that person you are looking in the mirror at!  You can do, achieve, be who you want to be and don't let anyone tell you different! :)  I love serving my mission of life and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me!  I love you guys sooooo much and I hope you all feel His love, His peace, His tender mercies in your life and you can seek to reach out to EVERYONE around you! :)  The Church is true, and I love you! :)
Tauni Ackerman :D