A Little Problem Sees Tender Mercies :)

Man.  This week has been a Zinger! :P  I started watching a new series called 'Touch.'  It's amazing! :)  Like honestly!  It is about this 11 year old boy and his father.  The boy, Jake is mute and he doesn't talk, but only because he chooses not to.  I mean, he has NEVER said a word in his whole life!  INSANE!!!!  It is the first time I have really felt the emotions of a show!  I literally feel so great after watching each episode!  Folks, there are wholesome shows out there! :)  It is so great and showing how people are connected to each other! I have seriously never felt so much emotion in so long then I have in these last few weeks!  Senior year, I decided, I was too emotional, crying about every day about the littlest things but I felt every little thing with every part of me!  But, I was sick of people seeing me as an excessive emotional person.  So, for about 6 to 7 months, I didn't cry at all.  I know, it's pretty insane.  But I did it.  Why?  What did it teach me?  It taught me patience, it taught me understanding of things, it taught me that I can be a leader, an example, a great over-all person.  How, you ask? I learned through persistence and learning to control my emotions, taught me more than I can even express.  But something that I must admit, I still haven't recovered.  I feel like I can't cry, I can't feel, I can express with full intent like I did.  I know its somewhere in there, I know I can be a wholesome person and not be over the top, I just need to find it!  I feel like I can't really be emotionally attached to anything, anyone.  How can I find the balance I need?  I decided that I am going to start a new life!  I am going to start with a new slate, get these feelings off my chest!  :)  I have decided that I need to be better, I need to be more positive!  I need to feel peace in my life, the last few weeks I felt peace in the beginning but for the last month, I started feeling this feeling like something in my life needed fixing!  It kinda sucked the timing of re-evaluating, but it was necessary and I realize that now!  I am so grateful for the Gospel because I know I wouldn't be the person I am, stand for the things I stand for, know the people I know, see my life and have hope for better things when things go wrong.  I just can't imagine where I would be! :)  I am really excited to see where my life will lead.  It starts on Sunday!  I just need to get to 2:30 on Sunday and I am hoping and praying my life will take a dramatic turn for the better!  I really do!  I want to stop being scared, I want to stop being sad, and lonely, I want to feel peace and love and hope that I am really here for a reason, that I have a purpose, that I will get rewarded for the things I do.
I have been trying so hard for the past few days to really look for people that need lifting, that need service, that need a friend.  I have been feeling sooooo much better about myself, about my sense of life and purpose.  I mean, today, I walked past an elderly lady while on my jog and I asked her if she needed help carrying her groceries, she stopped smiled, gave me a hug and said, you will do great things and kept walking.  Oh my word! I just fathom at the people around me that can just perceive people, it wasn't until I came up here that I realized what person I really hope to be!  I couldn't become the person I am, or want to become, without the life choices I have made to this very point.  Why, you ask, am I sitting here every day trying to become better, feeling unnoticed and feeling insignificant?  To tell you the truth, I don't know.  I am searching, I am praying for the answer to that question every day!  I want something marvelous, I want to feel assurance that I am bigger than a speck of dirt!  And to tell you what my friends, I got a glimpse.  Just a glimpse, of what it is like to have someone be your world, to be the best thing, to be an answer to your prayers.  With a glimpse, I can look forward to the future and know something great awaits me, and I need to be ready when it comes.  So, I am physically, mentally preparing myself.  I am getting back on the path of spirituality that I need to be on.  I am reconnecting with the emotions inside of me so that I can really show the people around me how much I deeply care.  How can life be so difficult when it seems so easy?  Well, of you ever get the answer to that question, write a book and tell the world :)  You are all so great!  I wish I could list the people that have changed my life, made it worth living, made me better, made me feel, made me smile, helped me along my journey!  You are all my angels in disguise!  You might have been in my life for a split second, for a few weeks, a few months, years, eternity......  You are all great and have made an impact! :)  I could live another lifetime to meet you ALL again.  I would too! :)  How can I ever thank you all??  Oh, I know!!  I'll become famous and have a long speech of people that I can thank.... NAAHHH! :)  I think if I just keep trying to progress, stay happy, and search for opportunities to serve, I will see you all on the other side and I hope you will be there to greet me! :)  You are all amazing human beings!  Like honestly and truly! :)  Stay true to yourself, and true to your friends, and true to your God! :)  Remember who you are, which is beautiful Daughters and handsome Sons of our dear Heavenly Father!  He wants you to succeed, He wants your happiness.  Never sell yourself short and think you deserve less than the best! :)  I know its hard, I know its trying, I KNOW its gonna be rough.  But, have faith, oh ye little children, HAVE FAITH!   Trust that God will get you through!  Sometimes, thats the only hope in the world and it sucks to think that you have to go through the stuff you do, but it all has a divine purpose, it all has a significant impact on the outcome of your life.  You can make it through with the Lord on your side!  And, what more can you ask for than for the Man that already helped us win one battle! :)  Stay strong and BELIEVE!  Have patience that things will work out!  Have the hope that the sun will rise, and life will go on!  You never know when someone is in need of your strength, your testimony, your smile, your friendship.... you just haffta be ready my friends :)  And the Lord can help you there! :)  Keep it real and be who you are, become what you want to be! :)  Decide for yourself today, who that is, who is that person you are looking in the mirror at!  You can do, achieve, be who you want to be and don't let anyone tell you different! :)  I love serving my mission of life and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me!  I love you guys sooooo much and I hope you all feel His love, His peace, His tender mercies in your life and you can seek to reach out to EVERYONE around you! :)  The Church is true, and I love you! :)
Tauni Ackerman :D      

WTFAIL!!! :)

Hehehe!  Wow! This Facebook strike is seriously killing me :P  It's kinda sad!  I have only done it for one day! :P  I just wanna post and post and post!  I totally gave this girl a compliment on her cardigan today.... turns out..... she had ear phones in... Awkward! These things tend to happen to me a lot :P hehehe! So, I have decided "like" needs to be taken out of my vocabulary!  It's ridiculous how much I say it! hahaha! :P  But yeah.  Today was SUCH A GREAT day! :)  Man!  I can't even explain it!  I have officially decided on a music major.  Oh man!  I decided and I was just reconfirmed today of just how happy it makes me! :)  After my piano teaching class, I was just sitting on the piano playing around with just chords and hymns and, yeah some people came in and were just like, WOW!  You are really good!  ARe you just making that up as you go?  I said, yes! :)  Haha! :)  I just love sharing my talent with people and it just makes me feel soooooo great! :)  I don't know why I didn't go into it in the first place!  It makes me soooooooo happy! :)  But yeah.  My grades are improving marvelously and I am just seriously rockin' the social life of mine too! :)  I don't know what made the difference, but I have been loving this semester already! :)  I am kinda sad its halfway over :(  But, no worries! :)  I love my classes and I CAN'T WAIT to really jump into music! :)  AWWWWWW MAAAANNN!!!! :)  I just want to Jump Around, Jump Around! :)  Hahaha! :)  I am soooo happy!  :)  I mean, I am really dealing with some sucky things, and it still hurts but, I have always been a person to rise above and learn from the sticky messes I go through, cry about it for two seconds, then figure out what I can do next to enjoy my life and be happy!  :)  This weekend, I am going to my grandparents farewell!  OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am really excited! :)  I am going to hike Mount Tipanogos EEEKKKK GAADSSS!! :)  I am soooo excited! :)  I hear the cave is BEAUTIFUL! :)  Man, I really just love doing outdoor things so much!  I mean, for FHE tonight, we went to Beaver Dick Park and it was SOOOOOO much fun!  :)  I love my FHE family! :)  They are sooooo much fun! :)  Me and Kayla rode in the back of Russell's car and just had a blast!  Right as we got there, we jumped into the river! :)  It felt sooooo nice! :)  I just love doing crazy things!  Not like immature crazy but just the things that are so much fun that everyone is such pansies to do! :P  Haha! But yeah and we just swam around and saw a deer, tried to sink a dock, then after a while we decided we were hungry and went on a drive around some fun dirt roads while me and Kayla played "Would you Rather".  It was sooooo much fun!  Then we went back to our FHE brothers apartment and had hot dogs!  :)  It was soooo great! They are so crazy fun to hang out with!  But yeah!  Then me and Kayla headed back to our apartment and luckily I have been working slowly on all my homework and I should be done by Wednesday with Homework 'til next Monday so I can enjoy my weekend with my family! :)  It will be interesting to see my family!  Don't get me wrong, I am super stoaked!  But they tend to be super nosey at times and just... stressful! If you feel me, feel free to text me to keep me sane ;)  Haha! :)  I love my family!  They are soooo great! :)  I can't wait to see everyone! :)  Well.... Tomorrow, I start my Marriage Skills class!  Awkward :P  Haha! :)  It will be fun! :)  I am super excited, with a little bit of nervousness thrown in there :P  haha! :)  YAy! :D  Well peeps!  It is my bed time so I wish you all well and SMILE SMILE SMILE! :)  Make the world wonder why you are still smiling :) Today I figured my choir teacher is out to get me! She picked two songs that make me cry every time for devo and our concert!  Thank you! :P  "I Stand All Amazed"  and "Amazing Grace".  I freaking love these songs!  They just make me feel the spirit soooo strong and it just reminds me of how amazing Christ is and this church and really opens my heart to all the beauty around me :) I heard one of my new favoritest quotes Sunday from my Relief Society Prez.  "You maybe can't change the world, but you can change SOMEBODY'S world!" :)
Love you guys! :)
Tauni Ackerman

*Whistle* What a weekend!? :)

So.. to start off this weekend.. I went to my choir concert.... And.. It was a BLAST! :)  haha!  I am pretty sure I hardly remember talking when I went up to the microphone but I tried to speak slow and exciting like... I hope it worked :P  Haha!  Everyone in my class thinks I am so funny! Haha!  I think I have become funnier in the last week cause making jokes makes me feel better, even when no one laughs..(But not gonna lie, they usually do, even out of pity ;) pity laugh!) Haha! But yeah, was really great especially at the rehearsal the night before, I was in a SUPER crazy mood! :P  So, I decided that I would just keep these jokes rollin', and what did it get me?? A speaking part!  Never be funny!  BEAT THE TEMPTATION! REEESSSIIISSSTTTT!!! :P  Hahahaha! :)  It was pretty great!  I was saying little comments to my neighbors when the teacher said, "Tauni!  Can you read the next one?  You are just so funny and you would be perfect!"  I didn't even volunteer!  :P  Haha! So, I went up there and the Mic wasn't on, so I just started saying it and, BAMB! <--- that looks like Bambi on Steroids :P  Haha! but yeah then the mic came on, and DANG!  It threw me for a loop!  Haha!  I started yelling out profanity, ya know me, just a potty mouth ;)  HA!  Gotcha! :P  REally?!  You believed me... >:/ :) Jk! Not really!  I actually just jumped a lot a bit and put some ad lip and told a joke and I'm pretty sure I am still the choir class clown..  I just can't grow out of it :P  Haha! :)  but yeah then, after we sang our insane Gospel-like musica I decided that I was super tired... which makes these joking manners worse... oh dear... So you will never guess what happened next?!  My teacher starts saying that everyone needs more energy, I swear Tauni is the only one having any fun up there.  Then I raise my hand and I say, well if you all need more energy, I have a secret.. I should have stopped while I was ahead.... As everyone goes quiet, as if they know this ought to be good, I say, I just pretend to flirt with the conductor and it makes things TONS more fun! As the conductor blushes and everyone starts laughing, the piano player says, you can flirt with me, I'm single!  Hahaha!  Man, it was hilarious, and did I play around with that comment make by that dear piano player, I just said, if we just turned the piano a bit, it would be perfect! Hehe!  Made him blush too!  SCORE! :P  Haha! :)  I even told him afterwards I loved his wicked piano playing skills!  Hahaha! Then I went home and just, simmered down!  I was soooo hyper!  It wasn't even like normal hyper, I just wanted to go talk to people and make jokes! :P  Ya know, when you're on a roll, you just don't wanna stop... well, technically you can't cuz you're rollin but hey, you haffta hit the end of the hill eventually right?!  Haha! :)  Well, I went to my concert Friday after a FREAKING SPECTACULAR day!  And, I went to the concert super excited, nervous, crazy tired, and looking forward for a weekend of AWESOMENESS!!  Well, I went to the concert and I felt pretty great, but then this kinda sadness sank in for some reason.  I felt like, wow, I have no body to go talk to about these concerts and have them laugh at the funnies I thought about, the amazing things I felt during certain songs, then it started make me really miss my missionary boys, and then just to make it better, I saw a couple in front of me talking about the concert and just sitting there just laughing, holding hands, giggling, and it made my heart kind of sink a little bit, then I just heard as I was passing, you are my bestest friend, you know that?  Oh man!  I lost it! I just miss having a best friend that I can hug and laugh with!  I mean, I have plenty of girl friends, but, guy friends, they are just so much better.  I just don't know how to explain it.  How can I express that with most boys I come in contact with, I am merely playing with the flirting because its fun, but in reality, I just enjoy the company and the friendship?  I have never been able to do that!  Hurrummmphh!!  Haha!  Whatevs, you live, you learn.  :)  But then, I came home, bought some pizza with only quarters, and got on the road to a camping trip! :)  WOOT! :)  I went with Kate, Jared, and some of their couplily peeps.  Oh yeah, if you could imagine how I would just (WARNING: about to be sarcastic :P) LOVE that weekend of cuddling, kissing, sappy cuteness.  (okay, sarcasm rant over.)  But, in reality.  I really enjoyed it and I made some really great friends!  :)  They were all so great and gave me plenty of advice on relationships.  I think I needed that weekend, to just see the success of relationships, and they are not all set up for failure!  :)  I was soooo happy! :)  Like, I did wish I had someone there to hold my hand, to tell secrets to, to laugh with and hug! But, you know, it didn't even phase me until I got back that, really, my time, my guy, my happiness that comes with it all, WILL COME! :)  I am promised! :)  Man, I can't wait for that day.............. :D  Sorry, I had a bit of a grin attack! :)  Well, this weekend I also enjoyed FOUR-WHEELING! :) Oh man!  I freaking love outdoorsy stuff!  OH MY WORD! And funny that happened!  I told Kate and Jared about my funny I pulled in choir and... they said wait, what's the piano players name?  I said, Tyler, I think.  WHAT!?  They totally know him and are setting me up on a blind date! :)  EEEKKKKKK GAADDDSSS!!! :)  But, he isn't actually blind.  So no worries ;) Hahaha!  I just figured I need to stay busy to really just deal with everything right now and just keep the jokes coming and save the emotions for the pillow!  :)  So far, it has been great! :) I got home at 11:30 this morning, almost afternoon, and I made it to 1 o'clock church and man.  This church is so great!  I walked into my Relief Society Lesson a little late after I took the sacrament and they were walking about the Love of the Savior through all things.  It tends to happen after hard things happen, and when I go into nature, I seem to have a better appreciation for all the things, people, and love around me.  I started to cry, at first I thought it was because I really was sad and wanted to hear that someone out there loves me, but then I felt this burning inside my entire being that everything is going to be alright.  God has sooooo much in mind and in store for me!  I don't know what, but if I am doing what I can, he will help me restore my happiness to the fullest and will guide me in the direction I need to go! :)  Without this Gospel, I would be SCREWED! Is that allowed to be said? All well.  Haha! :)  But, I love it so much you guys! I wish I could even express the gratitude in my heart, in my mind!  I wish I could express how much God loves EVERY SINGLE person!  No matter their faults, no matter their sins, no matter their actions.  I surely know I don't deserve such love from a Father so perfect and glorious, but that is what I need to do.  Is show everyone that they are worth sooooo much and they deserve the best! I know God loves me!  I am a daughter of God and I am soooooooooo excited to start my new mission of making EVERYONE I meet happy and feel loved as they walk away from me! :)  I can't say I am the happiest girl alive quite yet..... but I am getting there! :)  I ended today by reading my scriptures and listening to my feel better Pandora station "Michael Buble" with a variety of Gene Kelly, Frank Sanatra, Nat King Cole, and Ella Fitzgerald :) Keep your chins up my friends!  Keep smiling and doing what is right! <3 Love Love you all! :)  I also found my newest favoritest song called "Closer" by Shawn McDonald! :)  SOOOOOOOO GREAT! :) Check it out! :)  Peace out Brothas and Sistas :D
Tauni Ackerman

Oh My Word! :) What A Life I Be Livin'!!! :D

Oh my word!! :)  I don't think I have ever, EVER had so many crazy things happen in just one week! :P  I am in SUCH a great mood and I can't even fathom how happy I am right now! :)  I started off the week with being pretty sick on Tuesday.  But on Wednesday, I fasted, and went to the temple and all that... WOW!  Did it change my life!?  I have SUCH a huge testimony of the power of prayer, fasting, and temple work!  It literally made my whole week right side up! :)  I have not been able to wipe this smile off my face! :) :D  I think it just got bigger ;)  hahaha! :)  Well, on Tuesday, as I was bed-riden, I wrote Elder Brooks Browning and Elder White (His companion) :P  They are sooooo hilarious! They wrote me on a Green Eggs and Ham card which made me just die!  :P  Hahaha! :)  They won our card battle, first with the dog card, then the cat card, then that.. Man!  I could have kept it going.. But haha! Whatevs.  I am Broke!!! :P  I just paid off my rent today!  And it was insane that I had all I needed! :)  I have been doing so well in my classes.  Like since the beginning of this week, I think I have been happier then I have ever been.  I think it is probably just knowing how much people care for me, and also, how much the Lord really is looking out for me! :)  Man!  I am sooooo blessed!  Just walking around campus, I couldn't help but smile at the beauty around me! :)  It smelt so nice tooo! :)  Haha!  I love the smell of the grass, the flowers, the trees, even the water, and the smell of just nature!  It is my favoritest smell in the world! :)  Without all these mountains, gorgeous trees, glorious sunshine, even when it rains or snows, or is just blasted windy... I just smile and know how blessed I am to be were I am, to be surrounded by such beauty of the Gospel, of people, of the school, of the temple and just amazing things happen every single day and ... man, Life would SERIOUSLY suck if I didn't seek one out every day! I love my friends!  They are all so amazing and supportive and loving!  It kills me!  :)  I just am soooo blessed in soooo many aspects of my life! :)  I have decided to go with a Music Major!  I know, I know!  Don't keel over with excitement! :P  I know I am!   AWWWW!!! :)  I just am so excited to dive into the work! :P  Did that just sound mission related>?! Say whaaaa!???  Right now, I am really amazed by the people that just enjoy my company.  It really boosts my self esteem!  :)  I have never really felt the spirit of just soooo much goodness around me in my life!  I think God sent me eyes this semester!  Seriously!  I have been able to understand and realize soooo many things! I have gotten the answers to prayers almost daily and I have NEVER even realized how great this Gospel is!  I guess when he says I am blessed with discernment and the knowledge of things in the future... This is how it feels!  Seriously, last semester I would have died with the things that I have gone through this semester!  I was just so ready for the things, and I didn't even realize it until my fast on Wednesday!  When I fasted and did temple work.... I felt the spirit soooo strong!  More than I ever have in my entire life!  I knew that things happen for a reason.  I finally understood why I have just had to deal with certain types of people in my life, I realized why I waited soooo long to get into a relationship, I realized why I am here at BYU-Idaho, at least for now!  I realized, I love my family and my friends... and honestly everyone I come in contact with because... They deserved to be loved as much as I deserve to be loved.  When you think about it....  How inadequate are we to our Heavenly Fathers and Saviors love?  I realized that I have been taken sooo many things, so many people, so many opportunities for less than what they are truly worth.  Our Savior, Jesus Christ, died on the cross, suffered for my sins.... just as much for me as anyone else.  Who am I to judge, to hate, to criticize?  I feel so insignificant and small  when I think about it.  But in the eyes of our Savior.. Our Father in Heaven, we are huge!  We are significant!  We are chosen!  We are Larger than Life :P (Backstreet Boys! Holla!) :)  I mean, we have soooo much potential, so much to live for.  We are just throwing it away by gossiping, snickering, back-biting, hating, judging, even to the point that we don't read our scriptures, we don't pray, we don't fulfill our callings, we don't reach out to others and show our Saviors love to them! Who am I to do such things?  If our Master, Redeemer, Lord, Savior, Christ, Brother gave all these things to me, Scriptures, music, beauty, friends, family, an education, a home, food, hope, a prophet, a testimony, a smile, a light, a voice, talents.....  Why not share and enjoy them?  I love my life!  I love my Savior!  I love my Family and I love this Gospel!  :)  Life doesn't get much better if you are looking and always striving for the best! :)  I vow, right now (haha that rhymed :P) that I am going to smile!  I am going to meet new friends!  I am going to read my scriptures and prepare for whatever lies ahead!  I am going to be nice and loving to EVERY person!  No matter how they did me wrong.  I need to work on being more Christ-Like and loving!  I really have been trying so hard this week and it has made the world of difference in how I feel and how I treat and think of myself.  It might sound silly, but... there is a whole lot in truth in how you treat others how you want to be treated! It helps so much!  And the cool thing about it is, it wasn't too hard to fall into a routine and to really just be myself and love what I have been given!  Sometimes its hard to remember what I used to be... How I used to be!  and sometimes I feel like I am almost that person again when I hit my low points.... but Heavenly Father and the Savior have always been by my side and its not until now that I have let them take on some of my load and just feel weightless in my doings and feeling just so amazed and loved by every single person I meet! :)  Life is great! I hope you all can come to terms with whatever you are going through and feel the joy and happiness to the FULLEST EXTENT! :)  It's phenomenal! :)  Come join the party!  Let's all be friends and love one another.... and.. lastly, World Peace!............ HAHAHA! Jk! but seriously..... :)  Haha! :)  Love you all!  And I hope that by reading this you might be inspired and feel your Saviors love! :)  Keep your heads up, don't forget who you are!  And DON'T FORGET TO SMILE :D  Nice and big just so even people in China can see! :)  Yeah! Latter-Day Saint Pride!  Fist Pump in the Air! :)  Yeeeeeahhhh Buddy! :) <3
Tauni Ackerman~