Dang! Here am I, so close, yet so far from paradise!!

Man!  Here I am, and my trip is coming up right around the corner!  AWWWWWW!!!  Geez!  I don't think I can wait another day!  I honestly can't even believe this is really happening and its here and I am GOING BACK EAST!!!  Geez!  Okay, so if you all must know, I am going back east for three weeks, with the school, a.k.a, BYU-Idaho, starting August 1st! I get to go on this trip with one of my greatest friends, Mckenzie Leonardson!  Which makes it ALL the better! :)  We are taking classes along with the trip, so we are gaining credits and are required to work and learn even more about the sites we are seeing!  Oh my word, I am sooooooo excited!  Let me tell you all the back story about this.  Last semester, I was in my American Foundation class when we had a guest speaker come in, Brother Pulsipher.  He had come to talk to us about this opportunity to go back east for three weeks and it was a steal deal!  I had to know more!  So, I signed up on a list to know more about it.  $3000 for tour fees, airfare, hotels, two meals a day, then plus tuition for classes and spending money.  That was a crazy insane good price for this trip, but I didn't see a way that I could go.  But, I felt like it was an opportunity of a lifetime and I felt like if I didn't do it now, I wouldn't ever get around to it.  So,  I put down a deposit and called my mom.  We talked about how if I came up with half of the money my mom would pay the other half.  I mean, that was almost $2000 when we added it up!  I had two semesters to come up with the money and I was just waiting and saving!  After a couple of months of trying to find a job and juggle really hard classes, I finally just said, to heck with this!  I just can't handle a job on top of these difficult classes, and I still need money for food and what not.  I then went to my finances to drop my deposit, when.... you'll never guess..... A $3000 SCHOLARSHIP!!  Say WHAAAAA!!!???  I then just sat there.  ASTONISHED!  DUMBFOUNDED!  Any other synonyms for I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!  It was just too perfect, too good to be true!  How in the world does something so miraculous happen to me?!  I cried for a little bit, as I opened the email that stated, "Sorry we got this scholarship out late.  You get $1500 a semester and congratulations!"  If I would have gotten that scholarship at the beginning of the semester.... It would have been gone not fully but it wouldn't have been conveniently there when I needed it!  What a tender mercy!  So, I called my mom and we both cried a little bit and were both just amazed!  I guess I am supposed to go on this trip this summer!  Then I thought about it.... A year from now, who knows where I will be.  I could either be saving up for my mission, or getting married!  WEIRD!!!!  Hahaha! Sometimes its still hard to believe that I am getting to that age!  I just can't even see myself being old enough to do any of these things! Haha!  Well, I am going to try and post every day and keep you all updated on my trip and adventures :)  There is going to be a lot and I can't wait any longer!  :)  Here is a list of places that I am going, just as a heads up, 

- Washington D.C.

- Lexington and Concord

- New York City, Manhattan

- Nauvoo, Independence

- Chicago 

- Philadelphia 

- Adam-ondi-Ahman

I am soooooo excited! :)  I can't wait and I will try to keep you all updated! :)

Signing out enthusiastically,

Tauni Ackerman

Hmmmmm... FINALS!!

If you are thinking I am about to whine about my a not so a million finals........ STOP NOW!  I am not going to do such a thing and bore you with the fun details of how I hardly have any finals and I am done about 6 P.M. tonight!  That is just RUDE! :P  Hahaha! :)  I am in a craaaaaazyyy mood today! Here's a great Joke!

Why do cows wear bells?  :)

  -Because their horns don't work! 

(Either does my truck's!  OH WAIT! It sounds like a train now, if it doesn't click)

Yesterday was a pretty great day! :)  I went to my last class of Marriage Skills, which I think has been one of my favoritest classes this semester!  Too freaking bad it was only 2nd Block :(  Dang!  Hahaha!  But then I ran into my friends Amanda, Jenni, and Jeffery!  :)  It was pretty fun just running into a million people I knew yesterday! I am meeting so many new people and I love it! :)  I am kinda sad that I will be off-track next semester, but I am still living up here at Rexburg, searching FEVERISHLY for a job! :)  
                  I seriously CANNOT wait ANY LONGER for my trip! :)  I am done with being nervous and I just want to go already! :)  It is going to be phenomenal! :)  Yesterday... haha continued, sorry I got sidetracked! :P  that is a funny word! Geez Tauni, STOP IT! :P  haha! Well, if you can't tell, I am a bit crazy today! I have been singing Disney songs all morning like Mulan, Lion King, Hercules, Jungle Book, you name it! Then Blues Clues! :P  I dunno... inner-child coming out today! :)  Haha! Yesterday, there was a Ward party, which was A BLAST! :)  It was at Rexburg Rapids and it was SOOOO GREAT! :)  It was just rented out or our wards enjoyment, and rue in our simple awesomeness :)  No big deal! :)  I have been SOOOO happy I can't seem to get this grin off my face!  I cried a little when I realized that I am almost done with school for the first year and I still don't really know if music is what I need to do right now.  I mean, I would LOVE to be a music major, but something is just off.  I have started to think about transferring schools.  Like, down-right serious!  I had an epiphany of maybe transferring to UVU next Fall.  I would move down, to Utah in the Winter or Spring or so, and gain residency to get a cheaper price to attend there!  I have to figure out if I want to go into History, Music, or .... I don't even know!  This is so hard to decide all these things!! AaaarRrrGggGGGggg (continues to express frustrations in noises that would be ridiculously spelled!)
Anyone, that is wondering, why in the world I am in such a crazy, but great mood!  Well, let me let you in on this little arcanum! :)  Me and Kayla kinda pulled an all-nighter last night!  It is my third one of my whole life!  I have always taken a little cat nap, but I didn't today!  And I feel sooooo CRAAAAZZZZZYY!!! and wee bit disoriented! :P  What ta do, what ta do?  Sleep?????  Well, okay... but not for too long!  I have my last class today at 4:30!  Then, a Math test and I just might be DONE! :)  Oh shoot! Ahhhh! Look at all the jealous people (reference to the Beatles song "Eleanor Rigby" minus the lonely from the phrase and put in jealous...... kinda has a ring to it aye??)  I just had this urge to listen to that song, and I found a Dubstep Remix, SAY WHHAAAA!!!?? :) It was pretty cool to listen to, to be honest! :)  

Knock, knock.

  -Who's there?

Cows say.

  -Cows say who?

No silly, cows say moo!                

:)               

   

FUNNIES                                      :)

 Knock, knock.

  -Who's there?

Owls say.

  -Owls say who?

Yep.

 Knock, knock.

  -Who's there?

Little old lady.

  -Little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel!

Hint: How to be obnoxious when someones phone is ringing! :)

:). Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Yourself.
- Yourself who?
Your cell phone's ringing you better answer it.

Well everyone! I hope you all enjoyed reading, are all having a spectacular day, and keepin' it real! (Which you are all great so I know you are!! DUH!)  :)  Love you all! <3

Tauni Ackerman :)

That's Life! :)

I love my life!  I mean, I could leave it at that, but that would be unfair to all of you! :P  Haha!  :)  I am in such a great mood!  I just love this school, the people on this campus, the Gospel!  I just can't get enough of it! I just love it all!  Today, I walked to school and made a plethora of new friends just walking to class! :)  I had fun! I have been running a lot and I have lost quite a bit of weight and I feel sooooo great! :)  I don't even know how to express it.   I am just sooooo happy!  I just got back inside from playing in the rain with Kayla, Emily, Aaron, Rachael! :)  We even ran into Lane and Megan! :)  Yaahhhh trick yahhhh!! :)  It was raining really hard and I was just smiling and so happy!  I think it is so funny how much happier I am after it rains! :)  I am always sooooo happy afterwards, during, and even when you smell it coming :) I love the rain!  It just makes me feel so refreshed, clean, and man... just happy! :) When you are doing the right things, nothing else tends to matter.  I don't have a boyfriend?  No matter!  I freaking love it!  This little life of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! :)  I don't really have a plan for next semester?  Ain't no thawng!  I know the Lord knows what I am supposed to do, and I am living on faith right now, there isn't really much else I can do! :)  I have been having the best few weeks!  Ever since I went to Utah for my family reunion, I feel more like myself again then I ever have in my life! :)  Like serious! I have been insanely happy and nothing can get me down!  Until yesterday when I got some sickness when I couldn't keep ANYTHING down!  It was terrible!  I put on a good face for the day tho!  Yesterday was a FABULOUS day! :)  Okay, I will start at the beginning of this weekend! :)  This Friday, I went down to Shelley and went to my best friends, Katelyn Ovard's, bridal shower and it was sooooo much fun! :) I just love her and her fiance and her family!  I think I could even claim them as my second family! Or third, since Kayla's is in there too! :P  Haha! :)  But, I went there and looked around her house and her backyard where the reception will be!  OH MY GOSH!  It is freaking GORGEOUS!!!  I am really bummed I can't go to her wedding.... :(  But hey!  It's gonna be okay!  We are going to be such great friends anyways! :)  I hung out with her at her house and I went on a run!  Man, I miss running out in the country!  I never was really into running or anything, but it just reminds me of over that one Spud Harvest when me and Julie went jogging every night around the country block and we would haffta run far enough to run past Luke's house! :)  Man, hahhaha!  That  was so much fun! But, after I got back from my run, it started POURING RAIN!!!  As I was running down a hill to get a banner, I slid down the hill, like my own personal slip and slide :P  haha!  It hurt really bad, but it was tons of fun! :)  Haha! :)  Then, on Saturday, I came back up to Rexburg to donate plasma and stuff and then I had to run up to Island Park on an errand for my momma!  It was pretty fun driving with  my Christian Rock blastin' ;)!  It was great! :)  Then, when we got back we headed to Utah! :)  We got to go see my grandparents before they left!  Which they left today! :)  To West Virginia! They are going to the all famous "We Are Marshall" school! :)  To take over the institute program! YEAH YEAH! :)  I am so blessed to have them in my life! :)  They are soooooo great! :)  We had fun, ate pie and turned around and came home!  I got back to Rexburg around 3:30 AM!  YAYY!  :D  I was super tired!  I then woke up the next morning, and I got up and got all prettied up for the fabulous Sunday and then I started feeling super crumby! But, I still pushed forward! :)  I finally went to Stake Conference, which was phenomenal! :)  Then, me, Kayla, Megan, and Jake (Megan's Boy), headed down to Shelley! :)  We got there with about 30 minutes to spare, so we explored Shelley, which of course only took a few minutes to see the main attractions ;)  It was great!  Then we went to Brooks Browning's Homecoming!  Geewallacurrs!  During that entire meeting, I felt the spirit SOOO strong! First, little miss Archibald gave a talk about sharing your light even though we aren't on missions!  FREAK!  :)  I loved it soooo much!  She was this cute girl and just talked about how we all can't serve missions and share the Gospel on other continents, but we CAN share our lights right here, right where we are! :)  I love that!  It reminds me of the quote I heard in RS about a month ago, "you might not be able to change the world, but you can change SOMEONE'S world."
:)  True Doctrine my friends! :)  Then, Brooks got up to talk!  Wowzzaarrss!  He talked about his mission, but of course, and also talked about something he learned on his mission, FLOW, Faith, Love, Obedience, and Work!  But he mostly talked about Obedience and Work, but substituted Work for Sacrifice!  Wow!  What a great testimony of Sacrifice and Obedience!  I really just loved hearing the missionary stories, as I always do, and also just hearing him bear witness of the work at hand that honestly, we can all participate in and just love the Gospel by sharing it!  :)
Then, one of the high counsel men got up to speak and he talked a lot about missionary work as well, (go figure, right) ;)  But it was a great talk about just loving the Gospel and sharing with the people around us! :) It was a great sacrament meeting that I wouldn't have missed for the world! :)  Afterwards, I went home to be with the fam for a bit then I headed over to Kayla's.  We went to her home teachers tree house, which TOTALLY reminded me of Swiss Family Robinson tree house! :) It was LEGIT! :)  Hahaha! :)  Then I went and slept some sickness off at Kayla's house and then we went to Brownings house with some brownies :P  clever right?? :)  Haha! :)  It was really fun!  We finally got home after riding home with Elise and it was sooooo great! :) I just love my life! :)  It is so great! I am getting ready for my trip and it is going to be life changing! :)  I am SOOOOOOOOOOO excited! :)
Peace out Peeps! :)
Tauni Ackerman

Life is better when the Sun is shining... But you gotta love the Rain! :) I do!

Mmmm. Well, first off I should apologize for not writing for a while!  I've had to divert to my journal for a few weeks because of some really trying things I have gone through and I didn't thing you all really wanted to hear me ramble on and on.  I think that I am happy.  :)  But, how do you get to the point of knowing??  I was really thinking yesterday!  A couple Sunday's ago was Fathers' Day, I called my Papa and my dad!  :)  I really liked talking to my Papa for one.  We talked about how I have really been through a lot as a teenager.  My parents were rough on me, but that is common among the oldest child.  I learned a lot from being the oldest and I felt like I had to grow up pretty fast but its okay!  I wouldn't be the person I am without all the things I went through.  I then talked to my Dad for some time.  We talked about a lot of things and he talked for a while then, I felt impressed to talk to him about his marriage and how it has affected me.  Wow!  That was extremely hard to put all my feelings out on a limb, but I feel like he has progressed since I talked to him.  About a week ago, I had a really long conversation with my mom and there were a lot of tears from both of us.  We are both just struggling with things that it is really hard to talk to anyone about it.  But I feel like she is becoming my best friend more and more every day!  We of course have our rough patches but it is a TON better than what it used to be!  

I have had listened to many songs in the past few days that have just made me kinda teary-eyed.  I have just felt so alone and I just don't know how to conquer it! But, in the last few days I have seen the light!  Reading some books for my trip has really helped me!  I even think I am going to invest in the book called, "Forgiving Myself."  I heard it is really great! and i think it would help me a lot on how to get through all this! 

It's hard to think that I felt so happy one day, then another day I feel lonely and sad.  I have been trying to do the things my bishop has suggested.  Going to the temple, avoiding situations that will allow me to fall into old habits, and only associating with people that make me happy and to help myself feel better.  I feel silly that all of these events this semester is affecting me so much.  I know that everyone said that I am doing fairly well for everything that I am going through, I swear though, its just never ending.  I am continually trying to find things to do to stay active and upbeat but I still feel that wrenching feeling in my heart.  I am slowly becoming a fake happy to everyone else.  How in the world are you supposed to be happy when you feel so much pain, so much rejection, so much stress??  I have always lived my life so that I can laugh and be happy!  I have been trying to make myself feel and look better!  I just barely got back from the temple and it was SOOOO great! :)  It refreshened me.  I read like 6 chapters in the Book of Mormon and it made me feel really great!  Yet, as I walked away, I felt the spirit so strong but I still couldn't shake the feeling.... Why does that happen?  I keep praying to have peace and to know that I am going to be okay and I will get better, but how do I possibly know that?  I have lived 19 years of life and I still just don't know what to do to make me truly happy.

The Fourth of July was super fun and great! :)  I spent most of it in the sunshine reading my book! :)  It was great fun!  I just love the fourth of July! :)  I think the fireworks and just the reason of celebrating is my favoritest part!  The Fireworks are just sooooooo beautiful!  Loud, but Beautiful!!! :)

Then yesterday, it rained!  It was the first real smile I have really had all day!  I just love the rain!  It for some reason makes me feel so happy!  I just love to go out and stand in it and flash my smile to the sky, even twirl around in it a little bit! :)  Man!  I just can't fathom my life without rain.  Does that sound silly???  PPSssshhhaaaawww! I don't care :P  Haha! :)  If I can help it, I just might be a hopeless romantic, but I really REALLY want my first kiss in the rain! :)  I think it is just so cute!  And I honestly have NEVER had something that makes me happier then the rain!  That and the temple, and...... okay.... there are a lot of things.  My Bishop encouraged me to list things that make me happy!  Maybe I'll share some of those with you!

Now don't snicker :)  Just enjoy! :)  (Haha, did that have a kinda cheesey turnaround to Snickers??? ;) Mayyybeee :D )

- Rain (Duh!)

- The Temple

- The Gospel

- Prayer

- The Scriptures

- Sunrises/ Sunsets

- The Stars

- Walks

- Music

- Playing the piano

- Baking

- Hanging out with my friends

- Reading

- Hiking

- Biking

- going on joy rides 

- serving

- Outdoor things (swimming, picnics, exploring, four-wheeling, snowmobiling..Etc.)

- seeing and hanging out with family

- Letters

- cuddling

- just spending time with people I love

- learning about new things

- Sharing what I know, testimony

- Making other people smile :) :)

- Being funny and silly at times

- watching old movies 

- Running

- listening and being a friend

:)  I think that is about enough of that!  Haha!  Man!  I just love, love, LOVE being nice and finding ways to help everyone around me feel happy and enjoy their lives! :)  I just get this sensational thrill from serving and loving people!  :)  Man!  Yesterday, I went for a run in the rain!  I went on listening to my uplifting music with the biggest grin on my face!  I even had a guy say, "Well, aren't you just happy to exercise!"  Hehe, it made me giggle! :)  Yesterday and this last weekend, I felt myself pulling out of the sadness and finally just being happy again! :)  It feels so great, just to smile at life and know that God has a plan for me.  Even if I don't really know what it is yet, I know I am doing my part to be able to know when it comes along!  I feel myself becoming stronger, happier, braver, healthier, more loving and caring, more positive and optimistic! I just can't even imagine myself in a year from now, if I keep going at this rate! :)  I just might need to eat some ice cream now and then to keep me from being twinkled ;)  haha!  Just kidding!  But, really, I feel like I am improving so much, and my testimony is growing SOOO much!  I just have this sense of meaning and purpose that I have never felt before and I love it! :)  I hope that I can change people's life for the better one person at a time! :)  

I am going to continue to prepare for whatever the Lord has prepared for me! :) I have just realized that I just need to take a breather and take time for the important things.

Take time to work, with love, it is the assurance of success, take time for joyous play, it is the secret to renewing youth, take time to think creatively, it is the foundation of wisdom.

Take time to love your fellow men, it is the gateway to heaven, take time each day for silence, It is the storehouse of God, take time to worship God, it is the highway to peace! :)   Wish me luck!  Kayla and I have talks to give on Sunday!  AWWWWWWWWWWMMAAANNNNNN! :P  haha!!!  I dunno about Kayla, but I NEED it! ;)  haha! :)  Yaya! :)  Well, Peace out!

Tauni Ackerman